Help! My Teacher is a Demon!
by Thunderstorm101
Summary: What happens when the NWC destroys Furinkan? And if Principal Coconut needs to hire a new teacher for...Nabiki's class? How will the new instructor handle the infamouse Ice Queen? ON HAITUS
1. Chapter 1

(A/N): OK, people, this is what comes of reading too much ff7 fanfiction, and then buying a new volume of Ranma ½. Oh, and trying to think at 6:30 in the morning. Yeah…and spending what could possibly be an unhealthy amount of time in my room with the curtains drawn, the door closed, and the lights off, just _thinking_.

**No Understanding Of FF7 is required**

I own nothing. I try my hardest to stay away from OCs, simply because this is fanfiction, and OCs really don't have much of a place in it. The only thing I own is the plot.

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Help! My Teacher is a Demon!

_Chapter One_

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Deep in the forests of China, a creature escaped its prison. A clawed, metallic hand thrust out of a pile of rubble, pulling an arm with it. The hand (the left one) cleared away the rubble, making way for the right arm, with a human hand (at least, it seemed that way, though it wore a black leather glove), to aid in moving stones. Before long, the demon had climbed out of what remained of the cave it had been trapped in…and collapsed, breathing heavily. Glowing red eyes peered wearily at the forest from under a bandana the color of freshly spilled blood and from behind pitch-black bangs, hanging into the being's face.

He stood, a tattered red cloak swirling about him, and his black leather clothing that covered his entire body, ending somewhere under the collar of the cloak, which covered his pale face up to just above the nose. Pointed metal boots stepped forward, through the undergrowth, and long black hair swirled about his shoulders, and the demon set off through the forest, searching for civilization…

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Nabiki sighed happily, and stretched luxuriously. When Principal Coconut finally reopened the school (after repairing it, of course, and finding staff and teachers), she was going to make a killing (mainly because no one had bet on the same day). It was only a matter of time, and then, after paying the winner a moderate sum, she'd keep the losers' money. _Really, who would have guessed that Ranma and the rest of the NWC_ (1)_ would do so much damage? Destroying the school was uncalled for, but now everyone has more time on their hands, which means more fights, which means more money! Now…to get some sleep._

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Kasumi smiled to herself as she began preparing dinner. _I hope the school is rebuilt soon. It was so…naughty of Ranma and his friends to demolish it like that. At least now Akane and Ranma will have some time to sort out the stresses in their lives…or, at least, more time than they would have had with school still a part of the schedule._

A pot boils over.

"Oh, my."

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Akane smiled to herself as she jogged. _I'd forgotten how good this felt. Just jogging, alone with my thoughts, no romantic rivals, deviant fiancé, or exploding coconuts. I hope the school is never repaired._

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The father of the three lovely girls mentioned above smiled. He was playing Go with his best friend, who was, at the moment, at least, a panda. Abruptly, he was distracted by a crash. Turning to look, he saw that the Tendo family shrine had crashed to the ground. _A bad omen_, he thought.

"Tendo, what do you think the matter is?" Genma asked, pouring hot water all over himself.

"The family shrine…a bad omen…"

"Yes, but we know about the Master now. And what could be worse than him?"

Nevertheless, the two friends stood up to investigate, and Genma's new sandals broke.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!!!!" both men cried, holding each other out of terror.

"What's this racket?" a wizened old man demanded to know, leaping into the room. "You're disrupting my time with my silky darlings!"

"Master, there have been bad omens!" Soun cried.

"So?"

"So, the last time that happened, you'd escaped the cave we buried you in!" Genma pointed out.

"Oh…sounds like good omens to me, then."

But then…

"Grandfather Happosai? I was just going to clean your room and change your bed sheets when your entire collection of women's underwear, and all of your pictures in your scrapbooks, fell into dust." Kasumi stated, carrying in some tea. The teacups all shattered.

"Oh, my," everyone chorused.

"Th-this is horrible! Bad omens abound! Some horrible demon must have escaped its imprisonment!" Happosai wailed.

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Shampoo hummed to herself as she put together a box lunch. _Now that Ranma school gone, he have too too much time on hands! Maybe take Shampoo on date!_ Alas, or, perhaps, fortunately, the lunch exploded in her face.

"Greeaaaat Graaaaandmoooooootheeeeeer!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The brave Amazon warrior screamed—yelled—in panic—surprise—wondering what had happened.

"Yes, Shampoo, what is it?"

"Shampoo was making lunch for husband, when lunch blow up in Shampoo face!"

"Hmm…something is amiss."

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Even the Kuno family had realized that there was something not quite right happening. They, however, all chalked it up to the fumes from Kodachi's laboratory getting to them, and decided to get some air.

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NWC Nerima Wrecking Crew

(A/N)

Well, that could have gone worse. It could have done a lot worse.

I even had my sister looking over my shoulder while I wrote it, catching all my spelling mistakes. Yaay!


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N)

Hey, I'm back. Actually, at the insistence of my _dear_ auto-editor, I have to write the next chapter, 'cause she's hooked. Lucky me.

Standard disclaimer applies, I own _nothink_!

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Help! My Teacher is a Demon!

_Chapter Two_

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Several peaceful weeks have passed since every martial artist in Nerima received bad omens. Everyone, except perhaps Cologne, is in a state of relaxation. Furinkan High will be open to students just as soon as they can get just one more teacher…just the one…for the second most disturbing class in the school.

The class with…The Ice Queen and the True Blunder, I mean Blue Thunder.

"Alright, Kiki, you's hired!"

Never mind. The victim, I mean teacher, has been found.

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_Ring…ring…ring…_

_Ring…ring…ring…_

_Ring..._"Hello?"

"This is Furinkan High School. School will resume on Monday."

_Click._

"Oh, my."

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On the day of horrors, the day of mayhem, the day the entire student population dreaded…things began in a normal enough way…

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Ranma and Akane raced to school. Kuno blocked their way, proclaiming that on this fateful day, he would at last defeat Ranma Saotome and release the fair Akane Tendo and the beauteous Pigtailed Girl. They kicked him in the face and kept going.

As far as Kuno defeating Ranma on this fateful day, he was half-right. And it is quite doubtful that he's going to defeat Ranma.

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On the way to his new workplace, Vincent Valentine was…smiling? Oh, no!!! It's the end of the WORLD!!! No, wait, it's OK! Stop panicking, everyone! He's just…happy…about something.

_Who would have thought? Who would have thought that all it took was a bit of a tumble into a spring, and I'd be "cursed" to become a human man with a splash of cold water? Ah…and I won't be turned back with hot water, not with my handy waterproof soap! Thank Holy for enterprising people everywhere! Somehow, I don't think walking around Nerima in my true form is particularly brilliant, considering the number of martial artists._

_And I even have a job—how hard can teaching high school students be?_

Deep in the mind of the "cursed" demon, Vincent Valentine, something stirred. Something far more ancient than its host. Something…drawn to the chaos in Nerima.

**_Valentine, this is going to be a living nightmare._** Chaos, for that's what the thing was, the ancient being Chaos, thought to be long dead, but dwelling within the mind and body of Vincent Valentine, had experience with high schools. In his experience, they were far less pleasant than the demon plane, and in his vaunted opinion, high school teachers should receive much, _much_ higher salaries. **_We're going to be lucky to come out of this sane._**

_We're sane?_

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Nabiki smirked after hearing the rumor that her class had been the last to get a new teacher. _Probably some soppy, weak-willed, wet-behind-the-ears newb who can be easily intimidated with a glance or two._

Upon reaching the classroom, Nabiki, who prided herself on her ability to judge a person's character at a glance, realized that she'd gotten one out of four, which is pretty terrible. _Hm…he looks like a professional at dealing with people, strong willed, and unshakeable. Judging by the generic mask, he's new at teaching. Well, then…we'll just have to let the newb know just how…bad…we can be._

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Vincent looked over his class, taking in faces and glimmers of aura. _If there's anything that can be said for my true form, it's that it's easy to sense auras in. All I can tell is that two of my students have mastered their chosen art, though one of them doesn't look too bright, I can tell I'll have to watch out for the girl._

_**Yes. Intelligent students. The teacher's bane.**_

_Chaos? Have you taught high school before?_

_**Noooooo, I just learned how to terrorize the modern mind through trial and error. Of course I've taught at a high school!**_

"As you know each other far better than I know all of you, is everyone here who is going to be here?" he began, drawing surprised looks and several snickers from his class.

When there was a general chorus of "yes"s, he began taking role.

"My name is Valentine-sensei, **and don't think I can't see you snickering, Kuno. Is there something _funny_ about my name**?" Vincent began speaking normally, but when the captain of the kendo club began to laugh about his name, he, and Chaos, became mildly annoyed. As a result, Chaos's demonic voice was forced out of Vincent's (all too human) vocal chords.

The entire class leaned back, except for Tendo, who appeared unfazed.

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Tatewaki was stunned. _What could he be? Is he man or daemon? Or mayhap possessed? How could he manage such a voice? Or is it merely the cheap ruse of a cowardly warrior?_

All thoughts of the new teacher doing that on purpose, however, were put out of the insane kendoist's mind when Valentine-sensei began to cough violently, and continued in a somewhat hoarse voice.

"Now that no one is laughing at anyone else's name, I would like everyone to open their English books to page fifty-eight…"

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Nabiki slowly narrowed her eyes as the English lesson droned on. _So…Principal Coconut hired a…what? Demon in human form? No, if there was a powerful demon in Nerima, we'd have heard from Cologne, and a weak one wouldn't be calmly teaching a class. Maybe he's possessed? Hm…still better than Hinako-sensei. Unless he turns out to be some sort of soul-eating, aura-hiding monster. I wouldn't be surprised if Hawaii-san hired something like that._

"Tendo? Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, Valentine-sensei."

"Then please **open your book** and" cough hack cough "pick up where I left off."

Opening her book to the page the lackey sitting next to her had her book open to, and reading from the point the lackey pointed out, Nabiki pondered. _So…either possessed, or part human and part something else. Doesn't look like a Musk, though…I'll have to find out before anyone else so I can open betting pools._

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(A/N)

This chapter has been cut short due to writer's block. This is what I get for writing two chapters in one day (yes, I know they weren't posted on the same day. That would be silly)

Please review, it shall be greatly appreciated and read with much laughter. Flames will be used to make smores.


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N)

I have, since first submitting this story, received 3 reviews…and somewhere around 600 hits. Three people out of six-hundred have seen fit to comment, two people out of three used proper grammar and spelling, and no people have yet left me a signed review, so it looks like I'll be answering the badly spelled (and poorly conceived) question where _everyone can see it._ Congratulations, everyone who has read this fic before…you've been reduced to statistics!

Nabiki does not know that Valentine-sensei is a demon. For all she knows, he could be another super-powered martial artist, and he's only in Nerima to have his vengeance against Genma for whatever idiotic wrong the man committed. I'm not saying he isn't, by the way. However, she (and she's the only one, really) remembers the bad omens that took place some time ago (see chapter one if you really can't remember). Everyone else, when there was no immediate threat, simply forgot about them…even Happosai.

Therefore, my grammatically impaired reviewer, Nabiki does not know the truth, she merely suspects it because she knows Nerima, she remembers the ill omens, and, most importantly, she is familiar with the principal. Also, and here I cite Chapter Two, it is fairly easy for Nabiki to devise that the new teacher did not want to do the voice trick, because it obviously makes his throat sore afterward. This leads to the conclusion that he is possessed and something nasty is speaking through him, or that he's not entirely human and it's an involuntary reaction that occurs when he is stressed, or that he's a martial artist and is trying to master some sort of intimidation technique, or that there's something strange going on here that she hasn't heard of yet.

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Help! My Teacher is a Demon!

_Chapter Three_

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Tatewaki smirked to himself in the privacy of his own home, as he "practiced" a new "technique" that he was planning to use to defeat Ranma. It involved running about in the general direction of the enemy while waving his sword about in a complex pattern around his body at impossible speeds, causing "blades of air" to fill the surrounding area. It required little thought and guaranteed that no one would interrupt him while he practiced, as he had already sliced three of Kodachi's ribbons to shreds from across the courtyard and torn up one of her best leotards when she wasn't paying strict attention to him.

"So…father has hired some Hell-fiend to teach us. The fool. Surely this is some ruse to defeat Saotome. Or, perhaps, he has tired of having two children. Far more likely that he simply failed to realize just how dangerous a position he has placed my noble self in, and how treacherous such creatures are."

It was at this point that he faltered slightly in the pattern of his attack, causing one of his own air-blades to slice his boken in twain, and carry on to remove a few strands of hair from the top of his head. The hairs wafted pathetically past the kendoist's face, followed by his disbelieving eyes.

_That must be the terrible secret that the scroll warned of. To falter is to be defeated…by thine own weapon. Truly, the _Blades of Air_ is an attack to be feared!_ He thought.

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Nabiki smiled. It was a smile that would have most experienced Nerimites shivering in fear. It would have the rest of the experienced Nerimites packing their bags, or perhaps begging for forgiveness, or, more likely, trying to make sure that her attention was not focused on them. It would cause the inexperienced to wet their pants.

Fortunately for the peace of mind of those who lived in the district of Nerima, she was alone in her room, smirking at her laptop. Her laptop, which had who owed her what and who had paid her what and who had done what for whom, linking all of Nerima in a complex three-dimensional web, understood only by the Ice Queen herself.

Every thing she had ever been hired to find out, to photograph, or to arrange had been recorded. Every picture she'd sold, every scrap of information, even the strange relationships held to the Nerimites by those strange Chinese characters Pantyhose Taro and the Musk. The odd challengers that came to fight Ranma, all known fiancées, and now, she added a single name, and waited for the complex program she'd designed to place it.

Not that many people knew, but when Nabiki went to college, she planned to major in computer programming.

The name she added, and the brief description:

Valentine, Vincent. Teaches Nabiki's class. Hired by Principal Kuno.

The resulting links were to Principal Coconut, indicating a slightly subservient relationship (of course, the guy is paying him), to Tatewaki Kuno (teacher-student), Nabiki Tendo (teacher-student), and Ranma Saotome (possible enemy).

_There will be more, as I learn more. Much, much more, and possible moneymaking opportunities._

"Nabiki! Dinner!" Kasumi interrupted, good-naturedly.

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Vincent sighed as he reached his small, dirty, under furnished apartment. _Only got the job yesterday, and already, I have papers to grade._

_**Don't forget there are school politics to learn.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**That girl…Tendo. She's sharp. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she was the local bookie.**_

_Chaos, you see bookies everywhere. You said _Yuffie_ was a bookie._

**_She _is**

The man opened a cupboard. He frowned. He turned, saw no refrigerator, sighed, and opened the other cupboard. A moth flew out.

Stepping back, he held out both hands. Lifting the right slightly, he said, "buy food." Lifting the left and lowering the right, "go out to eat, and grade papers at a restaurant."

_Tough choice._

_**I was wondering when you'd throw your two-yen in, Galian.**_

_As was I._

_**What's it going to be?**_

_I think I'll—_

_Isn't this a democracy?_

_Over something as small as what I'm going to do about dinner?!?_

_I say you go out to eat._

_I was planning to._

_**Damn! Out voted again.**_

_You wanted him to buy food?_

_**Yes.**_

_I have to grade papers, too,_ Vincent added, heading to the bath carrying a towel and some waterproof soap.

**_Yes, I know. I was hoping you would go shopping _and_ grade papers._**

_You are evil._

_I agree._

_**Flattery will get you two nowhere.**_

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Ukyo shuddered. _What is going on? I've been having creepy feelings all day since I opened after school, and there haven't been any customers! Well, more like people walk through the door, shudder, and leave. I hope the Amazons haven't been messing around with ancient magic again. It's bad for business. And if Shampoo cursed my establishment, there's going to be Hell to pay! Literally. I'll hire Nabiki to help me get even._

Before the okonomiyaki chief's thoughts could turn down the paths of how badly she would beat the Amazon warrior, there was a jingling sound as the door opened. She looked up, and was surprised to see the new teacher, what-was-his-name-again, the one that had scared Kuno during school today, walk in looking distracted.

"Hello! Welcome to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki! May I take your order?" she enthused.

"Yes, I'd like the shrimp okonomiyaki and a glass of green tea, please," he answered, with a slightly ill look on his face.

"Is there something wrong…?" she asked as she fixed his okonomiyaki.

"Nothing, I just don't like shrimp. Or green tea."

"Then why did you order them?"

"I was outvoted."

"What?"

"I was outvoted."

"That's what I thought you said. How can you be outvoted when you're ordering food for yourself?"

"Two against one, I was outvoted."

"You're Nabiki's new teacher, right?" Ukyo asked, trying to change the subject to something more normal.

"Yes."

"And your name is…? And here's your food."

"Valentine-sensei, and thank-you. Aren't you Kounji? The "delinquent with the spatula" that Hinako was ranting about in the teacher's lounge at lunch earlier today? We only just talked her out of draining you…"

"Thank you! It's really hard to concentrate when all your battle-aura's been drained."

"If you didn't have battle-aura in class, she'd be helpless, you know," the teacher commented, grimacing as he took a bite of his okonomiyaki.

"You don't like my okonomiyaki?" Ukyo asked, incensed.

"No, it's not that. It's good okonomiyaki! I told you, though. I don't like shrimp."

"Then _why_ did you order the _shrimp okonomiyaki_?" The chief was nearly shouting now.

"Weren't you listening, Kounji? Maybe I shouldn't have helped stop Hinako from draining you. I will say it once more, though, because it can be a little hard to understand the first time. I ordered the shrimp okonomiyaki, even though I dislike shrimp, because I was outvoted. _They_ want to eat shrimp. _I_ do not. They teamed up, and made me order shrimp. Now, I have papers to grade, so, if you will excuse me."

Ukyo's jaw dropped as, after dropping such a tantalizing hint, the crazy Principal's latest employee picked up his food and papers, and walked over to a table in the back of the restaurant.

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_Vinnie, that was just plain cruel._

_I have no idea what you mean, Galian._

_**You know exactly what he meant. I'll say it, too. That was evil, what you did to that girl; dropping hints in her face, and not telling her anything more. I do believe I'm rubbing off on you.**_

_That's not as much of a compliment as you seem to think it is._

_Yeah, Chaos. Why do you insult him so? He's not getting stupider!_

_**GALIAN! You'll pay for that comment!**_

_How?_

_**Vincent, for the next week, I order you to act as though Galian were asleep, no matter if he is or not.**_

_Harsh. When do I start?_

_Never!_

_**Now.**_

_Hey! Vinnie, you're not really gonna do this thing, are you? I mean, you're not, right?_

Vincent began to grade papers.

_Vincent! Hey! I exist! Come on, respond to me!_

Vincent continued to grade papers, content in the knowledge that, so long as he was in his "cursed" form, They were unable to force control of him.

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Tatewaki staggered down the street, leaning on his boken. The battle had been fierce, brutal, and very, very short. _I didn't even get a chance to use my new technique. That foul Saotome! Just because he is having a bad day, he refuses to give a noble samurai such as myself a fair, fighting chance! And then he ran off, leaving the pig-tailed girl behind! And she, as always, refused my embrace, bruising my face with her dainty foot. Perchance the Kounji lass will have something to treat my wounds, and a good meal to fill my stomach, as well as a sympathetic ear. After all, if there is one thing I have learned from that fell fiend, it is to never, _ever_, under any circumstances, eat right before a battle. I always puke afterward._

Upon reaching Ucchan's, he opened the door and staggered inside, ignoring the slight chill of a supernatural defense as he staggered inside. He only noticed the welcoming bells, and Kounji's cheery "Welcome to Ucchan's! How may I—oh my, Kuno! What happened to you? Get in a fight with a meat-tenderizer and lose?"

"Nay, fair maiden of the grill. Merely with Saotome."

"Did you challenge my Ranma-honey _again_? He's never going to let up, you know. Hang on, I'll just get out some medical supplies."

"Thank you. While you are about it, I would also like a shrimp okonomiyaki and some green tea."

"Sure thing, hon. Say, you weren't outvoted too, were you?"

"What? Why would you say such a thing?"

"Ask Valentine-sensei. He's over there, grading papers," and she pointed, before leaving into the back to get the bandages.

"Hm?" The scion of the noble House of Kuno, the noble Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, slowly turned to see his possibly possessed instructor grading an essay that, even at this distance, Tatewaki recognized as his own. He walked over. "Greetings, sensei."

"Hm? Kuno?" The man looked up a bit distractedly, absently reaching out and spearing the last piece of his shrimp okonomiyaki with a chopstick while dropping his pen, and reaching out with his other hand to grab his tea. "Is there something you need?"

Tatewaki then watched, befuddled, as his teacher attempted to eat Kounji's delicious shrimp okonomiyaki, drink tea, and speak at the same time. The result was a brief episode of choking, expertly dislodged as though this had been done before, and cursing. Much cursing. In Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese, English, Spanish, Greek, German, Russian, surprisingly, Latin, and a language that Tatewaki did not understand or recognize, and was reasonably certain that if he did, he would go insane. This transferred over to various other unrecognizable languages, though these were of the more safe variety. The tirade of curses ended in one of these, and was punctuated by several dozen violent, likely rude, hand gestures.

"Art though…alright?"

"Fine," the teacher replied a bit hoarsely. "Sadly enough, this happens all the time."

"Ah. So…what did I get on my essay?" the warrior changed the topic to something more mundane.

Glancing down, the teacher paused. "It would appear to be tea and okonomiyaki. You'll have to write another one. Turn it in tomorrow morning, please.

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Vincent was silent all the way home.

_**Vincent? I said I was sorry.**_

There was no response.

_Vinnie? We didn't mean to._

No answer, either spoken or thought. Not even the briefest mental sign that the human recognized any mind other than his own within his head.

_**Galian? I think you've really done it this time.**_

_Me? You were the one that went for the tea! You can talk and eat at the same time, you know! The same is not true for drinking tea!_

_**How was I supposed to know he wouldn't notice me bringing the tea up to his lips?**_

_Oh, I don't know…maybe because you were going out of your way to make sure he didn't?_

Finally, a response from the silent instructor. Not, however, the one that the fell demon from a lower plane expected.

_Deliberately hiding it from me…? Perhaps…planning to make me choke…? Maybe you thought it would be…amusing…?_ The Jusenkyo cursed teacher thought in the tone that would, before long, cause his students to fear for their free time. It made his demons fear for much, much more than that, however…and they had heard it only once. And not aimed at any of them.

_**V-Vincent, I-I-I-I-I…**_

_DON'T tell me what you thought to do, or what you intended to do! I am NOT interested in hearing some LIE you've concocted in the VAIN hope of avoiding my WRATH! What I did to Yuffie will be NOTHING in comparison! You have half-drowned me in a public restaurant for the LAST TIME, Chaos! And Galian…don't think you've gotten off scot-free._

_Wh-wh-what? What did _I_ do?_

_You…were an accomplice._

_**What are you going to do to us?**_

The only answer was the sound, so much as there could be a sound in a mindscape, of bars dropping from above.

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(A/N)

OK, people, there's your update. Hope you liked it, I was so totally on a role there!

Any and all suggestions as to what Vincent should do to those two for this disgrace (I think Nerima might be rubbing off on him) will be read, considered, and possibly heeded.

I would still love to get a signed review, and I hope that however many people read this chapter, please, please, please I beg of you, please review! There is nothing so frustrating as looking at the stats on your newest fic, and seeing 300+ hits in the first three days and NO reviews!

So please, read, review, and if you have questions and it's a decent (or funnily stupid) question and you _don't_ sign it, I'll answer it in the author's note of the next chapter.

Thanks go to my wonderful sister, who betas this fic by reading over my shoulder as I type and pointing out all of my mistakes.


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